One of the greatest struggles that keeps Christians from experiencing abundant life is the temptation to try harder.  If you are struggling with something you are often told that you simply have to give it a little bit more effort.  Often times I will hear someone say, “I tried to do everything I could” but what they are really saying is “I haven’t been trusting what God has instructed.”

Too often “trying” involves us using our logic and rational thought at the expense of “trusting” what God has already said.

Since finances play a starring role in our lives right now, I know that I have been trying too hard to create more income instead of trusting God with the income I already have. I even mentioned this in our latest podcast, talking about the burnout I’ve experienced by working incredibly hard with no end goal in mind and therefore neglecting the money I already have because I’m too busy trying to earn more money. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

God hasn’t failed us yet. So why am I trying so hard to do it all myself?

When the hubby and I were at an all-time low last year and put full trust in God with our finances, He blessed us with such incredible abundance that we were left in complete awe. And without even realizing it, I took that control back and tried to create more income for us instead of continuing to trust God completely with our finances.

I’m a control-freak. I own it. I like setting goals, hitting them, moving on to the next one, accomplishing to the tenth degree and then some, but I’ve never stepped back to think at what expense?

I think that when you’ve been through the things we have been through, you are always afraid that one day you might end up right back where you were – broke, unhappy, scared, lonely and afraid. I don’t want to ever experience that again. Yet trying to do more is not the answer.

I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer about how I can balance my desire to get out of debt quickly with my need for stillness and slowness. God is definitely shedding some light on it all, and I’m starting to gain some clarity on how I can balance the two more easily than I am able to today.

But it all starts with trusting that God will do what He has promised to do. And that means letting go of being in control and allowing Him to take control.

Pastor Jeff continues:

Romans 9:31-32 says, “But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded.32 Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the laws instead of by trusting in him.”

In what areas of your life are you trying instead of trusting?

I started the week out with the worst cold ever. On Monday, I felt like a truck had steamrolled me. Tuesday wasn’t much better. In fact, today is the first day that I’m actually feeling almost normal. So, starting a fast on this week made it even more difficult to stay focused and committed.

By Day 4 of the fast, I was hungry, grumpy and felt, for lack of a better work, completely unsatisfied. I had lost over 4 pounds and I was thinking about meals a lot. Not good for the liver and not good for me emotionally. So, on Day 5, I added in wheat and whole-grain bread, some dairy and chicken or fish at one meal a day. I’m still caffeine-free and sugar-free, and I feel incredible.

In fact, I woke up this morning and realized that I don’t crave sugar. This is a victory in itself.

At first, I felt that by adding in a few different foods not allowed during the fast, I was not actually fasting. But I think that the levels of sacrifice are different for each individual and just giving up caffeine and sugar are daunting for me. Also, I want to make sure that I do this in a healthy way for my body and the fact is, losing too much weight too quickly is just as bad on the liver as staying at an unhealthy weight. God knows where my heart is, and that’s what matters.

I went to the library yesterday and stumbled across On a Dollar a Day, a book by Kerri and Christopher of the One Dollar Diet Project. It caught my eye as I had the realization a few days ago that because the hubby and I are on Dave Ramsey’s plan, our grocery budget is small. When Spence and I started the Daniel Fast, we had to increase the budget and even then, I felt like we weren’t eating enough. I felt hungry all the time. Then it hit me – we were used to eating cheap, energy-dense foods and by doling out the same portions in veggies and fruits, we just weren’t eating enough. For our family to eat a vegan diet long-term would require us to double our grocery budget, something we can’t afford to do. This book explores the financial issues that many Americans face in regards to food, and why parents sometimes have to choose to feed their children 99 cent tacos instead of 99 cent oranges. So far, it’s a pretty good read.

Now that we’ve made some wiggle room in our budget, fasting has made us think more about our diet in general and ways that we can add in healthier foods in affordable ways. A while back, we decided to add in more whole foods to our diet, but we can do more. It probably means that we will increase our grocery budget, and we will do that by decreasing our television package, for instance, or our entertainment funds.

Overall, I’m relieved that on Day 6, I’m starting to feel better. The headaches are almost gone and I wake up feeling alive and ready to face the day instead of like a zombie until I get my caffeine. I’m also learning what it’s like to rely on God, and I’m excited to see what He has in store for our family.

(As a side note, the kids are not fasting with us. They are still happily eating regular meals.)

I’ve spent that last two months praying about the Daniel Fast and asking God for guidance on whether or not it’s something I should do. I’ve felt that God has been calling me to do this on a spiritual level so that I will learn to rely more on Him and less on myself and my vices (which never work anyway) and I know that taking better care of myself physically is something I have to do if I want to live a long life so the fast is a good first step. But honestly, I’ve been fearful that I will do the fast for the wrong reasons, like vanity, or that my body will perceive it as another diet and rebel. After spending much time in prayer over this, I know that it’s what I should do, so the hubby and I decided last week to do it together.

Today is Day One, and it’s a doozie.

Yesterday morning, I started getting the sniffles which didn’t seem like such a big deal, but by the end of the day, my head felt like it was going to explode. Today it’s even worse. I can’t breathe out of my nose, my body aches, my head is splitting, and I have none of my guilty pleasures to rely on to make me feel better.

All I want is a coffee, or a piece of chocolate, or both.

One thing is for sure: I’m learning quickly what it’s like to rely on God instead of vices.

If you’ve done the Daniel Fast, I’d love to hear about your favorite tips or recipes. Please share them in the comments.

Where ever you are this New Years Eve, I hope that you are staying safe and healthy.

As I reflect on this year, I am surprised at how much I already miss 2009. I’ve never been unhappy to see a year go. As I’ve moved into another year in the past, I’ve always had a level of optimism that things would somehow be different in the new year, that I would magically change, that everything would somehow be okay.

But this year, I took a long hard look at my life and realized that I don’t need a new year to give me hope for something more. All it takes is the willingness to plan for your life and, because you can’t accomplish it all yourself, faith that God will provide what you need when you need it.

I’ve spent a lot of time lately setting personal and financial goals, and next week I’ll be sharing a few with you.

Until then, happy new year!

Image Credit: Paul McDee

I woke up early in the morning so that the family and I could make it to church for a special event. As I got ready, I found myself getting angry because I don’t have any casual clothing currently that I really like. In fact, clothing has become one of those things that we are now buying exclusively second hand and the boys come first, so that leaves a small clothing budget for me and the hubby.  Long story short, I was just really feeling sorry for myself that morning.

Now girls, I know you can understand my plight. As wives and mothers, we will happily go without so our family does not have to, but sometimes we just want to feel beautiful and splurge. And well, if you’re doing a Total Money Makeover, chances are you’re doing very little of that nowadays. This morning, I just wanted to feel beautiful. In reality, I felt miles from it.

I was still feeling a twinge of self-pity through the church service. It just wouldn’t go away. Top this with the daily worries about bills and income and savings that accompany getting out of debt and I was just feeling… blah.

On the way home, the hubby made a quick stop for gas so while the boys and I waited, I picked up his Bible and started randomly reading. In less than a minute, I happened upon these verses from Matthew 6:

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Matthew 6:25-34

This passage gave me unexplainable peace. If you’re in a similar situation, perhaps this scripture will help you as well.

Image Credit: Schwa242

I am absolutely loving the new drop spindle. For less than $10, it surprises me how well it spins. As a knitter, I am fascinated by how yarn is made, and as an old soul, I’m fascinated by how it was made before advances in technology. This little spindle is quite a charmer and makes the prettiest yarn. Case in point:

This is my 2nd attempt and I’m getting better at drafting and judging how tightly to spin the yarn. I’ll be making my 3rd attempt this week.

Second, making stuff happen.

I posted my goals last week and so far, I’ve been doing very well. I’ve been making healthier choices, and I’ll be really focusing in on that even more this week. I haven’t done so well with working out, so I have to find the motivation to get that going. I think that once a few pounds come off, I’ll start feeling better. I’m still working on using healthy stress relief techniques. It’s too easy to fall into the old habits because it’s naturally the first thing I want to do, but I’m getting better at it.

I’m also learning to let go and let God do what he needs to do in my life. This is probably the hardest thing for me as I’ve really been struggling with it lately, but I’m also getting better with it. I have discovered that if I let go and let God work in my life, things seem to work out the way they should, but sometimes I just have a hard time letting things go. I’ve never had faith in anything before, so it’s difficult to rely solely on faith when I’m so used to relying on myself. Still, I have to remind myself about where that got me (nowhere, in case you’re wondering) and just hand it over. Something that seems so easy is, for me, the hardest thing to do.

Two examples: One, I know we should tithe, but we don’t yet. We are just making ends meet. I am having a hard time having faith that God will bless the 90% we have left because we need the full 100% to live comfortably. When we take out the 10%, it hurts. I can’t let go and just have faith. Two, next week Pastor Jeff is doing a baptism at the beach next week and Spence and I feel like this is the next step for us, but I haven’t signed up yet. I have no idea why I’m waffling with the decision to do this because I really feel it’s what I should do, but I am. In both cases, there is something holding me back. Is this a dilemma that all new Christians go through? Is it always this hard to have faith?

On a side note, I hear that John Edwards was at church today. We didn’t see him, but there was a little buzz online after we got home. I’m surprised there were no twitpics!

It’s no secret that I struggle with my weight, and I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be a size 4. For three years, I have carried around an extra 30 pounds that have pushed me from unsatisfied to uncomfortable and I’m tired of being uncomfortable in my skin. Therefore:

• I will lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.
  I will do this by making healthier choices, controlling my portions, and using my lunch break to fit in a workout 4x per week.

I have also used food to relieve my stress and this has become a problem. Therefore:

• I will use healthy stress relief techniques when I feel overwhelmed.
  This may be meditation/prayer or crafting for immediate relief, and yoga and plenty of sleep as a preventative.

Finally, my walk with God has just begun and I am having a hard time giving God full control of my life and letting go of the worry that is a constant for me on a daily basis. Therefore:

• I will become more conscious of the worry that invades my life and practice handing over life’s little annoyances over to God.
  I will also open myself up more to allow God to work within me. I have held back in some regards, which leaves me snarky and negative.

There. Now there’s no turning back.

We went to church this morning and it always amazes me how the messages we hear are exactly the things we need to hear in that moment. It feels so great to feel so close to God there, to feel him in me and the people around me. I never thought in a million years that Spence’s and my need for more positivity in our lives would be so life-changing. It is truly remarkable, and the feeling I have in church is the feeling I want to carry with me daily.

On that note, I’m off to edit Rebound.

Image Credit: pixelposition

God Is Ridiculous Closer from Lifepoint Church on Vimeo.

During the service and outside of the normal routine, prayer leaders were called to the front of the church to pray for anyone that needed prayer. Spence brazenly asked me if I wanted to go with him up there, and I was so thankful he asked because I never would have gone alone or asked him the same. The two people that were open to pray with us were the only two people that could understand us perfectly in that moment, although they probably had absolutely no clue that that was the case. I walked back to my seat feeling God move in me for the first time. It was amazing.

Lifepoint is participating in One Prayer, and Pastor Jeff talked about how God is ridiculous. Laughable at first, but really think about it.

“A ridiculous God makes ridiculous people do ridiculous things.”

When you’re called to do something absolutely ridiculous, do you follow God or do you laugh it off because it just sounds too crazy? Do you take that step of faith and trust that God will make it happen?

I’ve been praying a lot about what I am supposed to be doing in my life, and I feel called to be closer with my family and to be there for my boys by being in the home more than I am today. I also feel called to share my financial experiences with others because Spence and I have been down a long road of hurt financially and we are still together and stronger than ever.

Imagine… two people who know very little about finances, that have been greedy and unfulfilled in our past, that are just clawing their way out of the pit as I write, called to speak with others about finances and debt. Absolutely ridiculous.

We recorded our first episode of Rebound today.

It’s incredible how God works. I’m excited to see what else He has in store for us.

Lifepoint just wrapped up a series on Crazy Love and last Sunday, this passage was read from 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

When Spence and I were married, this is one of the few passages from the Bible that was read, but yesterday it took on a deeper meaning for me. We are all one with love. If I am patient and kind, I am able to set an example for my boys so that they will grow to be patient and kind men that will show their future partners the same type of love. And if I am able to be more patient and kind with my husband, he will in turn give back to me in the same way, creating a much stronger bond between the two of us.

I have been practicing being more patient, especially with the boys. I have my mother’s temper and it’s sometimes hard not to raise my voice when the boys are being loud or bickering about something. I am not perfect, but last week was much more enjoyable in part because I made an effort to be more patient. 

This Sunday after church, we met some friends at River Road park and had a cookout for lunch. We then walked to the pier where the kids did a little fishing. It was very windy so we didn’t catch anything, but it was a lovely afternoon. I realized that I can have all of the ambitions in the world, but my heart is with my family. I am learning that my goal in life may not be to be the best at something or to make the most money with something. My goal in life may be just to make enough money to be able to comfortably enjoy the little things with my family.